today was theoretically awesome

This morning we were supposed to:

5:00 am get up
5:30 leave for the school
6:00 arrive and drop Max off for his five day field trip
6:30 get back home, wake up kids, feed them yada yadda yaddah
7:15 leave for school for Gavin, pick up car pool
8:00 drop Jack off as my mom's
8:40 take Owen to bus stop
9:00 work out
10:00-2:30 work like there is no tomorrow

(in there there is also peeing, eating on the run, stretching, smiling in the mirror, prayers, etc...)

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED  (when you see a * insert profanity said out loud)

5:00 no alarm!
6:30 Call from Mr. Beck, "Hey we are getting ready to leave, where are you guys?"

me*, is this a bad dream?  No, you are awake, the sun is up and your alarm didn't go off!!!**  "Hey Mr. Beck, Where can we meet you?"

Mr. Beck, "We are stopping in Pueblo." ***

me, Pueblo is not on my radar today.  "Hmmmm.... may I speak to Max's driver?"

We discuss, decide to meet on the highway in an undisclosed location in "t" minus no minutes.

6:35 running around like a crazy person, get out the door, I am panicking because I am worried Max might have a melt down, we pray.  Max stays as calm as the summer sea.  We stop by Chick fil a for breakfast, remember to pee for Max, on the side of the road in a parking lot.

7:00  rendevous with the carpool, load up Max's stuff and send him on his merry way, IN a car with a wii hooked up to the TV inside no less.

7:20 return home and grab Gavin and Jack and carpool.  Gavin has thrown up BTW choking on something and apologized up and down for it.  Throwing up is the one time you do not have to apologize.  I also realize my alarm was set for the dang PM, not AM.  Really?  ********

7:30 avoid major traffic jam (DING genius on my part)

7:50 get kids to school and off

8:00 drop Jack at my mom's house

8:30 take Owen to Bus stop

9:00 take a breather

9:10  Jeb find's Max's sleeping bag in the back of the van!!!!*****

9:30 Madly texting and emailing teachers and drivers to have mercy on my son because of his incompetent mother.

9:38 document this momentous event so that someday I will look back and laugh out loud.  Today, not so much.

How has your morning been?

This just in

We went to a school function for Owen the other night.  A Taste of Ace, is what is called.  Basically it is a multi-cultural event with a lot of cultural activities and foods crammed into the tiny halls of Owen's school.

The best part was the dancing.  We saw Irish Dancers.  We heard bagpipers.  There was even a hip-hop group.  I knew Max had found his calling in life.  He loves to hip-hop dance.  But the the funny part was when Jackson crawled up on stage when they asked for volunteers and started doing his "Jack Dance."  It is a combination of Napoleon Dynomite and Krumping.  He was amazing and made me laugh out loud the whole time.

The other day, after the fact, he was asking about the "Hiccup Dance Girls."  I had to pause for a minute and think whom he was referring to.  Think....think....oh yes!  ding.  The Irish Dance Girls are the Hiccup Dance Girls.  And no doubt, when they dance, they do look like they are hiccuping by golly.

Well played Jack, well played.

Good Gravy

I have seen a lot of things, but I have never seen this.

Jeb made a Food Network worthy Pot Roast with the most amazing gravy.  It's too bad we can't somehow manipulate the chemical formula of this gravy and duplicate it on demand.

The crowd went to wild, they demanded straws to get every last drop!  That is high praise in my opinion.

guess?

Oh Jack Jack.  Let me count the ways I love thee...

1.  While going to the bathroom and proudly announcing "I am going to go poop and you're going to wipe my butt!"  he made a new announcement.

"Guess what I found in my underwear?"

Oh dear, I am pretty sure I don't want to know what you found in your underwear.

"What?"  I ask almost in a whisper.

"Toilet Paper."

Phew, I am glad.  Further more I don't care if it's toilet paper and no I am not going to go look at it.  I am so relieved it isn't paper clips (this link is missing some pictures and is otherwise a mess, BUT, it does talk about our paperclip story at the end) or a quarter.

2.  While walking to the bus stop this morning, we found so many bugs outside, basking in the sunshine glory after a big night of thunderstorms and rain.  Jack discovered a bunch of worms, which I have trained the children to throw into the grass.  I love earthworms.  They help the soil which is total crap in my neighborhood.  Owen picked some up and tossed them into the grass while yelling, "Goodbye flightless worm!"

Jack on the other hand discovered a bunch of rolly polly's and promptly gathered as many as his hands could hold.  He carried them back to our house where I proclaimed, "You cannot bring those in."  "Please mom, can we put them in a box?" I cave, it doesn't take much.

He places them in a small plastic storage container with a lid and "plays with them."  A little while later he smiles and says, "Mom, I gave the wolly polly's a bath."  Oh dear, those poor bugs are all dead for sure.  "Look mom, they are sleeping now."  Like sleeping forever.

I looked inside and there were a dozen little bugs belly-up inside the container.  Sleeping peacefully, forever.  Jackson later concluded that they were in fact dead while I was driving.  He dumped out the window.  How is that for animal loving?

Funny

As I am sitting in my office, trying to multi-task and thinking all the same how much I miss blogging, I was reminded that I am funny.

I think I am funny.  My dad thinks he's funny.  Yet other people don't necessarily think me or my father are funny.  We keep trying because that is just who we are.

I made up several invitations for birthday parties coming up in the merry  horrid month of May.  By the time I reached Owen's invite, I had really let my inhibitions go.  Who am I trying to impress really?  I am already sending out an evite, gasp and shameful.  (I am sorry Heidi G., this is neither classy nor what you have taught me at all of our craft nights)  But I gotta shave time wherever possible.

So my invite for Owen went something like this,

Owen is embarking on the ripe age of 7.  He thinks his ninja skills are sweet.  He wants his Ninja buddies to come and swap swords, practice roundhouse kicks, and fight serpentine!  His party won't be complete without you!

Please join us for some serious Ninjago Action!

Cake and Ice Cream and treats will be served.  Along with a healthy dose of Ninjago strength.  

As I read it to him, he just started to giggle and smile at me with his missing toothless smile.  It melted my heart and made me want to wax poetic.

I am funny, even if it is only to my son who loves me and thinks everything I do is pretty much amazing!